Beyond his years

It was a typical discussion for Sunday dinner. Movies, tv, actors and imdb.

Brett brought up a movie from the "early 2000's" that he'd watched recently.

He said,

"Yeah, I just realized that the girl in that movie was 28, that means she had to have been born in like 1934!"

Math was always his strong suit....

The girls

We're talking. It's late. Like one thirty.
Sam, Brett, Savanna, me.
Brett says,

"The girls in our nuts... I mean! The-girls-in-our-ward-are-nuts!..."

Oh Brett.
We've missed you.

Forever

I come home to find Brett where I left him: watching The Smurfs on the mac.

It ends (finally), I check my email, open my blog. He reads the picture links.

"What's DFF? Dead Friends Forever? Dumb Friends Forever?"


Yes, Brett... that's exactly what it means.


(p.s. it actually means Desert Folk Flair)


Brett also has this habit. He'll be talking to you, and mind you he's physically incapable (or so it would seem) of finishing a sentence or completing a thought, so it takes about a million years for him to make a point. One gets weary of the effort required to follow his disjointed speech, but he notices your mind wandering and he chooses that moment to say something cheeky:

"He's just a loser."

You only half hear him, and while your brain catches up you say, "What?"

Brett says "What?" shaking his head quickly to throw you off the trail.

Winner

Once upon a time, two years ago, Brett carved a pumpkin for the contest at school on halloween. He worked on it all day and late into the night the day before the contest. The morning of, he chickened out and left his hard work at home.

Two years later, he actually signed up to participate, carved all day and late into the night the day before the contest, and in the morning he took it with him.

He won first place.

fantastic. I couldn't stop laughing.

I love that kid.

good job, bud.

Literacy

After dinner on a sunday Brett lounges on the couch, threatening to fall asleep, yet he rambles.

"Did you know that in countries like Paris they have 100% literacy?"



I had no idea Paris was a country.

Dennis the Menace

Twas beautiful out in the world today.

And I wanted nothing more than to take a ride on my new bike.

The idea seemed glorious.

Danae and Brett stood in the kitchen.

Brett caught me slipping out through the sliding door.

There I stood in the carport, mere feet from my beauty of a bike.

"Don't do that," he said. "You'll pump blood all through your face."

So I stepped away from the bike, down to the edge of the port where the sun was shining a little too brightly.

"You shouldn't go walking either, ok? Just come here."

Enter Danae.

"Where are you going? You can't go anywhere, barefoot, no less.... Quick! Stop her! She's getting away! It's the Drugs! It's the Drugs!"

Brett Yelled:

"You can't go out! Your face is fat! You're a menace to society!"



And this is how my brothers care for me after I've had my wisdom teeth removed.

Aren't they lovely?

Wishing on a star... no wait, a Candle

This past Wednesday it was dear Bretticus' birthday.

I totally bought him a new i-Pod since his kind of sucks. I know, I'm a great sister. What can I say?


As we all gathered around the table, surrounding the delicious cake my mother made, Brett applied candles to the frosted area.

He was thoughtful in this process.

Wondering aloud, "What can I spell with 15 candles?....."


We all sat and stared for a moment.

First of all that's a weird question.

Second of all, Bretty is turning 17.... not fifteen.


He realized this moments after he said it, and then continued to ask what words he could spell with 17 candles.

The candles just ended up in neat little rows on his cake.


Dear Brett,

Happy Birthday and may you always remember how old you are.

Maman, Suzette, Brett

Tuesday Night

Sitting down at the table for dinner, Maman, Samuel, Bretticus and myself, began to chat amongst ourselves. We were basically eating on the run, because any minute, dad would be home and we would pile into the car and head out for the show.

Maman and I sat at opposite ends of the table, while Sam stood to the right of me and Brett to my far left.

Maman looked down at her plate and said: "Look at this, we're eating like hobos. No place mats, no table cloth, no napkins... oof."

The siblings just sort of stared at her for a minute....

Sam: "Mom, you realize hobos eat out of like pie tins and cans right?"

Mom continues to refute Samuel's statement. Somewhere along the way, the fact that I say ho-bag a lot comes into play.

Sam turns to me and says, "No one says ho-bag anymore."

Just then Brett snags Sam's water bottle and Sam says:

"Hey, I backwash."



Brett, as he gulps down water: "It's ok, me too."

The date

Brettsy was going on a date.

Brett is the kind who likes to keep anything and everything to himself.

When I ask him questions about life he always tells me that he'll just say no to anything I ask.

So naturally, when this occurred, the siblings interrogated him, especially since it was not he who had done the asking.

After we had pulled at him for a substantial amount of time we gleaned this:

Brett was going on a date.

Brett was going on a double date.

The other couple were two of his friends, Tory and the trusty tall-child Sterling.

Brett was attending this date with one, Heather.


Danae: "So do you know her, or is this like a blind date?"

Brett: "Of course I know her, one night I spent four hours on a corner with her!"

......

Silence.....

Danae: "You did what?...."


Brett, realizing his blunder, mumbles and walks away.

I like kids but, I can never finish a whole one.

After returning from babysitting the little ones while their mothers attended Relief Society, my brothers related to me the hardships they experienced. So many small children who want to be twirled through the air.




Brett said: "Man, those kids are a mouthful..."


Me: "You mean a handful."




Brett: "....What?"

My children...

i'm sitting at the kitchen table

Brett gets home from his meeting after church.

i continue to sit at the table

Brett rifles through mom's Primary treat basket.

I listen to the rustling of plastic wrappers in his hands and watch him out of the corner of my eye when he says,

"I'm going to eat one of your babies..."

i pause...

He chuckles and i remember that i saw some Baby Ruth's in the mix.

isn't he witty?

Chlum.

How many people do you know that slip and fall in the bathroom while washing their hands?

now you know one.

We love you Brett.

When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie, That's...Amore?

Last night we had pizza.
Set the oven to 400 degrees and the timer for 20 minutes. By the time the home-teachers left, the pizza was done. Everyone scattered about their business, but Brett and i remained in the kitchen. I had hardly eaten, and this was the second part of our meal (First part was breaded fish.... Hey it's the week of Thanksgiving, we can be lazy). I stood watching him pull out the pizza slicer, then proceed to cut the pizza. First in half, and then in half the other way. And there, i looked at four large pieces of pizza, but alas, there were five of us. My stomach grumbled and i voiced my distress,

                                     "Too bad there aren't just four of us.."

Brett turned to me, wielding the slicer, and spoke:

                                     " There could be..."


What a creep.

iBrett

When Brett got home from school i pestered him in the usual ways and he told me about his day.
He revealed to me his plans for English and i gave my helpful opinion.
Nearing the end of our conversation i began to hum the same small chunk of song over and over.

Me: "Dah! i have this song stuck in my head. It's from one of the mac commercials."

Brett: "Well is it from the Mac comercial or the iPad commercial?"

Me: ".....iPad is Mac...?"

Brett: "Oh heh yeah, you're an idiot,"

Me: "Whaa??"

Brett: " er, I mean, I'm an idiot haha"

Momentary silence....

Brett: "Where are the tissues that were down here?"

Me: "I dunno, I was looking the other day, but I couldn't find them. I really needed them, I was definitely having issues."

Brett: "haha And so you needed tissues for your issues? Heh heh..."

He laughed to himself for a while after that one.

Have you ever heard of a wittier child?

New Slang

Whilst trotting with Maman through Costco,
Friendly women in hairnets and hats handed out samples.
Maman and I partook of particularly delightful Humus.

Tasty, tasty.

We stumbled upon Bretticus and his trusty Tall-child, Sterling.
Maman suggested they visit the Humus sample stand, seeing how she so thoroughly enjoyed it.

"Humus?" Sterling interjected.
"What's Humus?"

"It's something like a dip," I explained. "It's made from Garbanzo beans."

and here Brett continued to blunder:

"What? Garbanzo beans? No it's not!" he exclaimed, as he rolled his eyes and walked away.
"It's made from Chickpeas!"

Dear Brett,

Garbanzo beans and chickpeas = the SAME thing




The End

Shredder Scissors

A trip to Hancock fabrics called for another Blunder.
As Danny perused the 50%  sale fabrics Brett and I stood in line at the cash register.
Displayed on the rack at the register were "Shredder Scissors"

Brett picked up the package and began to read aloud,

"Skip the mechanical hassle and shred by hand with Shredder Scissors

Stop Identity thief..."

hmmm.

"Identity thief?" i asked.

"There's just one individual out there, going around stealing everyone's identities?"

He cleared his throat and returned the scissors to the rack.

"In my head I said theft... Identity Theft!"



The Underground Railroad

This fall break our family went to San Francisco

along the way Brett had many blunders...

As we made our way through SanFran in the car, dad had the habit of not knowing exactly which way to go.
We ended up turning around many a time.
At one point, dad asked if anyone could tell which way was north.
we all began to debate among ourselves and suddenly Brett yelled,

"THERE'S NO MOSS ON THESE TREES!"

During the time we'd all been trying to figure it out, Brett had been searching for moss on the trees, obviously because moss grows on the north side of a tree.

Duh.

The Beginning

Oh Brett.

Dear, dear Brett

There's this boy

and his name is Brett.

Sometimes he has moments

that we lovingly call

Brett's Blunders

If you know him, then you know what i mean.

But for those of you who don't, or just aren't around to hear them,

I come to share.